I said good bye.
But he said it was not good bye.
That is what he said.
And so I am waiting on whatever it is that is not good bye.
What is it? What is it that compels us to love? Or at least to want to love. The idea of love is often quite different than the actuality of love.
I say love is a choice. An intellectual, deliberate decision. One that can be made one second and changed the next.
That is terrifying. The uncertainty is absolutely terrifying.
But it is also grounding. I can decide to love him.
If I want.
If I choose.
I can choose to love him in this moment that is not good bye but is not quite hello either.
Perhaps this is simply an in between love for a moment in between hello and good bye.
An in between love.