Four Must Have Items On a Deserted Island (Smoke Monster Ball Puncher is a Must!)

Oh gosh. If I were on a deserted island what four items would I absolutely have to have?

Hmm…

Well I can certainly tell you what I would NOT have to have.

A bathing suit would not be necessary. If I’m on a deserted island and there is no one to witness the bumps, lumps, stretches, and dimples you can be sure I will be unclothed for the entirety of my stay.

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Really ladies? I mean, why even bother?

My kids can remain at home. If I’m on a deserted island with nothing but the surf and breeze as my soundtrack, you can be sure the respite of such a lovely, PEACEFUL, tropical setting would be disturbed by three children. And after a brief disruption by their nagging and whining and painful technological detox, I think the oldest would probably wither away and die. I don’t need that on my conscience.

So those are really the only two things I would not want. Now what would I absolutely have to have?

Gordon Ramsay. Who else is going to create a gourmet meal from mangos and pineapples and banana leaves and seaweed?

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Berries for me? Oh Mr. Ramsay, you shouldn’t have!

Edward Norton. He will most definitely be able to provide the warmth necessary during the cold, cold nights. Sometimes a fire just doesn’t do it. Have you ever seen the movie The Painted Veil? If not I highly suggest you watch it and then you will understand why he is a must have.

He loves his wife so much he forces her to travel to a village in China that is being decimated by cholera in the hopes that she will be infected and die. Now that is romantic! I wish someone loved me that much.

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Besides I have seen his ability to kick serious ass in Fight Club and American History X. Would you mess with that?

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I wouldn’t either and on a deserted island I’m obviously going to need someone to kick the Smoke Monster in the balls.

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This is the Smoke Monster. It likes to eat people.

Brad Pitt. I would take him for similar reasons as Ed Norton. Warmth factor, kick ass factor, ect.. Aside from the fact that he is delicious, his brand of insanity would certainly add entertainment value.

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I’m not sure what it is about this picture but I have the sudden urge to punch myself in the face. For you Brad, anything…

A Boat. Well, duh! I mean, they are all fantastically amazing men, and while I would be lucky to be on a deserted island with the bunch of them, they are still men. A smart girl always has an escape plan and mine would look something like this.

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Originally posted on my dearly departed blog, Diaries of a Divorcee.

 

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