There are many things I could claim an obsession with: chocolate, coffee, sleeping. But they are not true obsessions. They do not occupy my mind at all times.
There is only one thing that truly fills the space in my mind, reaching back to the most remote crevices, and that is faith.
But not just any faith, faith in God.
And not just any God, but the God, my God, the Christian God.
I completely understand if someone believes in something else. What I don’t understand, or perhaps understand but don’t agree with, is when they speak in generalities so as not to offend someone of a different faith.
Once I had a man say the usual thing, “…whatever you believe in, God, Allah, a feather…”
Wait. What? I was following him until he threw in the feather. But that is what it eventually comes down to. If you believe in God, proclaim it. If you believe in Allah, proclaim it. If you believe in Vishnu, proclaim it. I understand the fear of offending someone in our hypersensitive society, but that fear is watering everything down. It is watering down meaning.
Anyhow, I digress. Or maybe I don’t.
Obsession with my faith. Yes. There we go.
I must constantly think about my faith because it is constantly called into question, and not simply by non-believers, but even more so by believers.
I’ve met with my Jehovah Witness friends for years now much to the horror of my Catholic friends. My Church of Christ friends have something to say about both my JW friends and my Catholic friends.
They are all followers of Christ. What separates them is their different interpretations of scripture. Baptism and age requirement, validity of the Trinity, and the afterlife are just a few.
The confusion and doubt comes because all of these beautiful people believe they are interpreting the scripture correctly, that God is giving his approval of their interpretation. But surely God cannot approve conflicting interpretations, or to put it another way, they can’t all be right.
I do believe in God and I do believe in an objective truth. I do believe in an absolute morality. I’m just not exactly positive what it fully is.
And so I find myself alone, not a member of any particular branch of Christianity, but still a member of the church because thankfully the church is not contained in a brick building or white clapboard structure, but it is in the body of Christ.
I am often times confused. I talk, I listen, I read, I try. And while I do all of those things I keep two scriptures in the back of my mind.
But Jesus would not entrust himself to them, for he knew all people. He did not need any testimony about mankind, for he knew what was in each person.
I will not put my faith in the hands of any man. I put it in God only.
1 Corinthians 1:19
For it is written:
I will destroy the wisdom of the wise; the intelligence of the intelligent I will frustrate.
I will also not put faith in myself. I put it in God only.
And so I will continue to talk, listen, read, and try – try to understand. I will ask for forgiveness for the things I can’t understand and for the things I think I understand but are actually wrong.
And above all I will keep my faith.